Guyanese Online

When I was a young child, I did not necessarily consider myself Black. Looking back, I recognize how odd of a thing it was because my immediate family members were all clearly African descendants. In my young mind though, I could not make sense of my differences when compared to the majority of the family I grew up with. I was lighter and had different features; so clearly, I had to be “different” from them, right?

With race not being something that was really discussed, I relied on knowledge I gained from studying history and popular culture to get an idea of who I was. I tried to find my face in books and screens but could not find myself represented in the images that stared back at me. I then began to take cues about my identity from the way people responded to me.         

So for quite some time and at varying points, I identified as being either Portuguese or Indigenous. Even well into my teenage years, when I had a lot more knowledge surrounding race and culture, I would still shy away from identifying as Black and would find comfort in my “mixed” makeup. Whenever someone asked me what I was mixed with – because they always ask – I would begin tracing lines to families that were far removed from me. It was quite an odd thing.

So it is understandable, albeit sad, the way in which many of us grow up distancing ourselves from Blackness because we are taught that being Black is something that is bad. We are taught that the further removed from Blackness we are, the more worth we have. We should reject the comfort that is found in not identifying as Black. This is not to say that one must reject other aspects of their identity.

The reality is that the experiences of a person of mixed race tends to be different from persons who are mono-racial or who are unambiguously Black. Those who are mixed should however be aware of the privileges they have, no matter how relative, and utilize those privileges to centre the voices and issues of darker skinned Black persons.

Despite the uncontestable existence of it, Guyana largely is yet to come to terms with anti-Blackness within our homes, communities, places of business and power. In refusing to be honest about the way Black people continue to be viewed and thus targeted and exploited, a dangerous dynamic is being maintained. Hopefully, there soon will come a time where we are able to not only have honest conversations about anti-Blackness, but move past these conversations to implement actionable policies and systemic changes that can contribute to a more equitable and inclusive society.